Only In America . . . TM

Copyright 2002 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.


For the fourth year in a row the American Awards Association has released its list of the "10 Least Known Awards."

"Its easy to give out awards for the most talented actor, most popular model, or ballplayer that scored the most points," Jerry Trankmanner, head of the American Awards Association said in a speech to the annual International Awards Committee banquet held in New York last night. "These things are done in public and receive a lot of media attention."

"But how do we recognize the fastest sheep shearer, the receptionist that can answer the most calls, or the quickest hamburger chef?" he asked. "The answer is, for the most part, that we don't. These are the little people that we are here to honor tonight."

The Top 10 Least Known Awards are:

1. The Hossfeldt Trophy for the most dog toenails clipped in a single day: Amy Quantrill, "Do Your Dog Right" Grooming Salon of Troy, New York, 6,484 nails.

2. The All American Lint Lovers Award for the largest ball of belly button lint collected in a single year: Walter Fruithouse of Winonka, Arkansas, 11.19 kilograms in a 14 foot diameter ball.

3. The Wanda Hallmeyer Memorial Plaque for the tightest jeans: Mary Lou Fontaine of San Simone, California, managed to fit her six foot, 283 pound frame into a pair of jeans with a 16 inch waist. (This award was given posthumously.)

4. The Pilettia Pond Plaque for the punk hairdo with the longest strand of unsupported hair: Richie Culpepper of Santa Monica, California, who wears a 42 inch strand of hair sticking up at a 30 degree angle from his head. (He uses six cans of mousse and a quart of shellac on his hair every day.)

5. The Farley Field Commemorative Coin for the most original cookie: Whitney Goldfarb of Neocroshus, New Hampshire, Broccoli Tort with Red Pepper Chips.

6. The Ollie Ollie Oxenfree Medal for the most original job: Willy Naperojo of Hampton, Georgia, a peanut polisher for Georgia Goobers.

7. The Wholly Levi Award for the rattiest blue jeans: "Jocko" Stringinni of Brooklyn, New York, 216 rips, 418 holes, and 1016 grease spots on a single pair of jeans.

8. The Golden Alfalfa Sprout for the most unusual farm: Howie MacKenzie of Cornstroke, Iowa, has a plot of land 10,890 feet long and 4 feet wide on which he grows spaghetti.

9. The Mixology Medal for the most unusual drink: Lou Ella Kashon of New Orleans, Louisiana, for a mixture of cabbage juice, Peppermint Schnapps, and hot sauce that she calls Blow and Go.

10. The Piece of Green Ribbon for the environmental product of the year: Braxton Willpaw of Iona, Florida, for Black Jack Tea, a beverage made from used tires.

"These folks have all worked long and hard to get where they are today, and every one of them deserves a round of applause for their unique accomplishments," Trankhammer concluded.

Copyright 2002 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.