Only In America . . . TM

Copyright © 2004 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.

Remember My Member

Less than 24 hours after it was unveiled, the new official portrait of ex-president Bill Clinton is causing controversy.

"This so-called portrait is nothing but blatant pornography," according to Ima Prood, Chairperson of the Coalition Against Gratuitous and Explicit Sex (CAGES). "The very idea of a picture showing a former president of the United States standing in the oval office with his pants down and fondling his . . . his . . . 'member' . . . is bad enough", she said, "but hanging it in a public place is truly repugnant."

The artist disagrees.

"I was trying to capture the essence of the man," illustrator Ivey R. Green said. "After researching his presidency for two years and studying him personally for the better part of a year, I feel that this portrait best personifies the individual and what he stood for", he told reporters at an impromptu press conference held in front of his house early yesterday.

Friends and former associates of Clinton agreed with the artist.

"It certainly personifies the man as I knew him," former White House intern Cie Garsmoker said. "That's how I remember him greeting me most mornings when I came in to work. Except he was usually behind the desk instead of in front of it."

Other acquaintances agreed in principle, but said that he usually performed only for an audience of one.

Part time spouse and full time New York Senator Hillary Clinton said, "That's the first time I've ever seen him like that. Maybe I should have spent more time in the Oval Office myself."

For now, the portrait will hang with the lower half covered with white linen until the controversy is settled - probably in the courts.

Meanwhile, visitors line up for blocks to view the new portrait and peek discreetly under the cloth . . .

Copyright © 2004 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.