Only In America . . . TM

Copyright © 2002 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.


Chicken Little was censured by the Senate Monday Morning Quarterback Committee (MMQC) yesterday for not fully disclosing all she knew before The Day The Sky Fell.

"This little hen was running around telling everyone that the sky was falling without giving them the benefit of all she knew," according to Morton Whineyface, chairman of the MMQC. "If we had known then what she knows now, we would have been able to connect the dots and would have known in advance that the sky really was falling."

Of course, the sky didn't really fall -- what happened was that something fell out of the sky and punched a large hole in Harvey Hinckle's house. What that something was was a formation of 17 suicide geese weighing close to 20 pounds each.

"It like to scared me and the wife half to death," Harvey told reporters immediately after the incident last year. "We was just sittin' down to dinner when there was a huge CRASH! and all these honking birds came through the roof, punched a hole in our dinner table, and ended up all over the floor of the kitchen and dining room. There was feathers and goose crap everywhere, and it took poor Mrs. Hinckle the better part of a week to clean it all up."

For several months before the incident Chicken Little had been going from house to house every day -- sometimes several times a day -- warning people that the "sky was falling". However, she couldn't give provide any particulars: what was going to fall out of the sky, where it was going to fall, or even when people could expect it to fall. So, everyone just dismissed her as a kook and went about their everyday business.

Until The Day The Sky Fell.

After the flock of suicide geese crashed into Harvey Hinckle's house and made a mess of his dinner and his floor, people began to question what Chicken Little really knew, when she knew it, and what conclusions she should have drawn from the information she did have.

Reports have surfaced showing that Ms. Little had a strong feeling that something was going to fall-- either out of the sky or off of her roof -- her psychic aunt, Bertha Betelgeuse was sure that it was going to happen "sometime soon" and even went so far to predict that it might happen "somewhere in the continental United States", and all her barnyard fowl had been acting funny for weeks.

"Knowing all this, she should have been able to warn Mr. Hinckle in time for him to do something proactive," Chairman Whineyface said in handing down the unanimous committee decision to censure Chicken Little. "Had he known what she knew he would have had time to move out of his house or put up some kind of net to catch those geese. The fact that Ms. Little ignored all this data and just put out a general The Sky is Falling warning is unconscionable, and I hope the committee action today will serve as a warning to all of our citizens that we won't tolerate type of half way measure when it comes to the safety of our citizens. And I certainly hope that Ms. Little has learned her lesson."

All MMQC committee meetings -- which have run every day for more than two months -- have been televised. Signed 8 x 10 pictures of Chairman Whineyface are available on his personal website, www.boohoohoo.org, for $10 each or 3 for $25.

Copyright © 2002 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.