Only In America . . . TM

Copyright © 2002 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.

You've got Spam®!

You can now fire up your computer, connect to the internet, and download your breakfast. Better yet, connect your computer to a stove and you can download a hot breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or whatever.

Freddie Skärkött of Leech Lake, Minnesota, did just that when he demonstrated his newly-patented Kött Kätcher at the annual Computer Technology Expo in Minneapolis last week.

"This is the culmination of a life-long dream for me," Skärkött said. "I have been concerned about world hunger for as long as I can remember. And now I have finally found a way to do something about it."

So, how did he come up with the Kött Kätcher?

"I guess it started when as I got my first email account," he explained. "Within a week I was getting about a hundred messages a day -- and most of them were spam. I wasn't about to spend my whole day wading through all that junk, so I started looked for a way to filter it out."

His first device was a simple filter hooked up between his computer and the phone line to catch all the spam. It worked OK, but it had a few drawbacks.

"The biggest problem with the first prototype was that it caught so much spam that it got clogged up after only thirty or forty emails," Skärkött said. "I was cleaning it up several times a day and accumulating a barrelfull or so of Spam® every week, and it was getting to be a pretty big mess."

"Then was when I realized that what I had developed was really a converter -- it converted spam, the mess into Spam®, the meat! All I had to do now was make it affordable to hungry people all over the world."

And he has managed to do exactly that. The Kött Kätcher is an inexpensive (less than $50) filter that can be easily connected to any computer. The smallest version is capable of collecting about two pounds of Spam® a day; the largest can collect almost a ton of the pink meat before it has to be cleaned. It works equally well on everything from the smallest hand-held to the largest mainframe.

The smaller models can be connected between the computer and a stove to provide instant hot meals, while the mainframe version can connect from the computer to a refrigerator or freezer so that large quantities of Spam® can be collected without spoiling.

The ability to connect the Kött Kätcher to wireless devices has generated a lot of excitement in the outdoors set. Now hikers will be able to go into the wildest woods anywhere in the world without carrying a heavy backpack full of food -- just download breakfast on your Palm Pilot® and you're good to go.

The next improvement will the be addition of Freddy's Flavored Food Filter to the basic unit. This will make the device more desirable to those who don't like the taste of Spam®.

Copyright © 2002 Frank G. Van Atta. All rights reserved.