Beam Me Thin, Scotty!
The Plop! Plop! Weight Drop Clinics claim they can remove excess fat by beaming high-energy ultrasound waves under the skin. "It's what you might call a fat laser," according to Scotty Adipose, founder and CEO of the company. "Just beam it at your belly and Zap! Zap! No More Fat! You can almost hear the fat drop off!"
And hear the money drop in. The Weight Drop Clinic - conviently located between the Bikini Wax Center and Thong Time Boutique - is currently treating more than 50 customers a day at $600 per treatment. "I think it's the greatest thing since diet pop," one satisfied customer said. "They just aim their little gun where you've got too much fat and - Zap! - it's gone. I love it!"
Department of Health officials aren't quite so pleased with the procedure. "I'm not sure this isn't just another elaborate hoax," Dirk Sniffer, head of the State Fat Scam Task Force, said.
"Not so. I think Dirk is just irked because nothing came of his investigation into Fat Suckers," replied Adipose, referring to last year's state probe into his SLURP! SLURP! No More Burp Foundation which performed liposuction using old vacuum cleaners.
"That's not the case at all," Sniffer retorted. "With liposuction you know where the fat goes, because you end up with a jar full of it. But, with ultrasound it just seems to disappear into thin air. I, for one, find that very suspicious and intend to get to the bottom of it."