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WEDLOCK POPPYCOCK
Thousands of first and second cousins from all over the South flocked to Emu, Arkansas, this weekend to get legally married in the Church of the Rednecks by URL-ordained Reverend Bubba LeRoux, former head of the Homo Non Gratis party in Rhea County, Tennessee. "I been watchin' homos get married in courthouses across this country from San Francisco to New York," Reverend LeRoux told reporters, "and I think it's high time us homo sapiens get the same rights as them homo sexuals." Referring to the recently-overturned ban on homo sapiens in Rhea County, the Reverend said, "I used to be against all things homo until them pencil necks in Tennessee decided that it was all right to call us homo sapiens. Now, I intend to promote homo rights everywhere." And promote he does. So far his "Homogamic Marriage Manual" and its companion volume "Redneck Rights Revisted" have been on the top of best seller lists everywhere from Texas to West Virginia. He has also appeared on a number of TV shows, including "Meet The Rednecks", "Cousin to Cousin", and "Tonight in Memphis", and there is reportedly a Movie of the Week in the works tentatively titled, "Keeping it in the Family". The Arkansas Attorney General, Manfred Hope, has been trying to shut Reverend LeRoux down for several weeks, but has had little success. "The rampant inbreeding being fostered by the practices of the Church of the Rednecks and Reverend LeRoux will degrade our families to the point that Arkansas will become the laughing stock of the country - maybe even the world", he told a convention of the National Association for the Advancement of Attorneys General (NAAAG) in Dothan, Alabama. "It is incumbent on us to preserve the sanctity of the family and the sacred instution of marriage from assaults of this heterodoxy." "That guy Hope is just a sanctimonious blowhard," Reverend LeRoux said on a talk radio station today. "He was right out there in front when the homo sexuals were marchin' and protestin', but now that us homo sapiens are asserting our constitutional rights, he starts spoutin' off about 'obeying the law' and 'preserving the sanctity of marriage'. Well, I, for one, am not going to pay attention to any of his inane lip boogers." Reverend LeRoux plans to continue issuing homogamous marriage licenses to anyone who can come up with the $25 fee. He is also taking up the question of interspecies marriages, and may issue a license to Billy Bob Rosenthal and his pet chicken, Thelma, next week. |